OUR STORIES

I've been THINKING about writing but,..about what? why, oh, whynot?

 just write.

I kept feeling the urge to write, but... about what? Which one of the swirling thoughts in the sea of my mind deserves to be heard.  Many times, a thought comes to me, then consumes me,.. pulls me deeply in and speaks to me,.. I can be taking a walk, in my neighborhood, on a beach, in my mind.  

Here I am, ... at a beach that is very familiar to me.  

The day is overcast, alot of rain earlier and gusts of wind. 

I've worked today, rearranging my relaxing oasis of an oceanview master bedroom into a zoom capable Yoga studio space.  I woke up at 2 am, 5 am and finally rose at 6:30 am.  Yoga teacher,...uhm,... OK, Stressed, anxious,...happy was not on the menu.  The sun is trying now to poke through the gray, hazy sky... The die hards are out there, running, jumping, riding waves,... beaching...I am on the deck, overlooking the beach,...willing the sunshine to come,..from inside of me, out.... I just finished another book, reminding me again,.. be strong, be you... be bold....I had an epiphany just yesterday,..."it's time!", and then,... somehow, the doubt, the pressure to do the "right"things,... these overwhelming thoughts consume me,... all the, "I need to..", "I can't...", "I'm committed to"...all the bullshit...The voices and stories of old...THAT'S IT... I told myself,..."JUST WRITE"... and it will come... so,..yup,... it did. 

I've been thinking for a while about this,... our STORIES... THE stories that we tell ourselves... OVER AND OVER AND OVER again... and for WHOM am I DOING things FOR?

OK,..moving forward...It's the only way to move..or it is not considered moving.

So, it's time to take a leap...Why am I waiting... 

Well,... in the meantime,..I'll write.

We have all that we need, within us... We have all the wisdom we seek, inside...

So, why, then are we always searching, seeking?... ok, maybe not everyone but ME.  I can only speak for me.  My son says that I am never satisfied,... always trying to improve, make things better...He says my expectations ( we aren't supposed to even HAVE these...) are unreachable. Does that mean, unless I change the story, that I'll always be chasing that which doesn't exist?  What is it that I'm looking for? .... hmmmmm well,..it's a good start... the writing I mean,... here's a good place to start.